barry rhymes with marry

I think ever since I moved to SF i've asked every single person I've come across, "Do you listen to Joyce Manor?". I hardly ever get a yes, usually just a "No" or "Ummm just a couple songs" & that is very unfortunate. Joyce Manor is probably my favorite band, & that says a lot because for the longest time ever my favorite band remained to be Death Cab for Cutie. Now, I still love DCFC & they've been my favorite since about seventh grade, but yeah I think Joyce definitely tops them. I first listened to Joyce when I met my friend, Arantxa. She would always blast Joyce while we'd drive around, but for some reason I never really got that into them because to be quite honest I just used to listen to whatever was on my pandora station. I liked to listen to them in the car with her & my friends & I even memorized some of the lyrics, but not like it is now. Once I moved out & I felt like I needed to be reconnected to my friends & senior year memories, I'd blast Joyce. The first couple of weeks of school that's all I'd pretty much listen to & it was great. I actually got to listen to the lyrics and laugh and jam out. I WAS IN LOVE!! It was great to tell my friend Arantxa that I was soooo in love with them!!! In October they had a show here in San Francisco, but I didn't want to go for two main reasons.
1) I had nobody to go with because my friends weren't really all that into them.
2) I wanted to experience Joyce with the people who first introduced them to me, because JM connected me with them & it meant a lot that I saw them for the first time with people who also loved them as much as I did.

I was bummed that I missed out, but then comes Thursday. This past thursday (1/14/16), my friend Arantxa bought me a ticket to go see Barry Johnson! It was a solo acoustic show, but I was still excited because he tweeted that he was only going to sing JM songs & some covers, "none of that solo shit" so it was still going to be great. We got there & Frances Quinlan, from Hop Along, was first & she has such a beautiful voice, but of course we got stuck behind a tall guy. We were just waiting for Barry to come to try to get to the front. We managed to find a spot in the middle when Barry started playing & IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL WHEN HE STARTED SINGING. He sounded exactly like he does on his records. He started of with "Derailed" which is honestly one of my favorites. After a couple songs, he brought out two of the members of Joyce Manor!!!!!! It turned into an impromptu JM show!! I got into the mosh pit, broke my glasses, & screamed out to all my favorite songs. It was definitely a night to remember. Not only this, but I FUCKING MET BARRY!! & he signed my poster!

LOOK AT HOW FUCKING ADORABLE WE LOOK!!!! I want to marry him. Anyways, If y'all haven't listened to them, CHECK THEM OUT!!! It really meant a lot that I could go with my friend, & soon enough we will be getting heart tattoos to represent our love for JM & also because "Heart Tattoo" is a fucking fantastic song. I'm still so over the moon & I can't wait to see them again.
Hope you enjoyed my ode to Joyce Manor, lol :)
-Jess

when in doubt...yourself

 I recently took some time to read through the journal I kept during high school and the only word I can describe it as is...sad. It's amazing to think that I had so much negativity in me. I had a tough time in high school & it definitely shows in my journal. I didn't really have a whole lot of friends (which is totally okay because the group of friends I had senior year are the best) & I was just another body walking around the halls of a stupid high school. Honestly, I didn't have a bad life, but I was stuck. I was stuck in a suburban town with people I did not...understand to say the least. I wrote in my journal multiple times "Once you go to college, things will be different" & it's true, they definitely are. But in that time from sophomore year to graduation, I was just floating by. I lacked inspiration & I was constantly bringing myself down. I always thought I wasn't good enough for anything & doubted myself. Sure, I got good grades & didn't have to worry about not graduating, but it was just bleak. I don't wish I was a cheerleader who dated a hot jock football player asswipe, & I wouldn't take back my experiences because they shaped me, I just wish I wasn't so sad & hateful towards myself. But hey, ever since I've moved to an ENTIRELY different environment, I've met people who inspire me to be creative & learned to love myself a little bit more everyday. As much as it made me sad reading my old feelings, it just put everything in perspective and made me appreciate of where I am today. Everyone has days where they just feel sad, but i've had a little less sad days & it's great.

So, I think I finished with the usual "feels" post, but I hadn't been able to blog for about two weeks because I stupidly left my laptop at my dads house & just got it back. While I was gone I turned NINETEEN!!! Crazy that my teenage self is slowly fading away and I'm nearing full blown ADULTHOOD. Ahhh what. the. fuck!!!! So yeah, I had a fantastic day with my family because I'm the most family oriented person out there lol. Here are some pictures of that weekend :)

My sister & her boyfriend took me out for a birthday breakfast at a small breakfast joint called "The Nest" & it was super good. I had a raspberry iced coffee and it was sooooooo good. As well as that meal in the picture but I forgot what it was called hehe. Anyways, I had a really nice birthday reflecting on my past years and having high hopes for this year :). I'll be back to posting more often! Thx 4 Reading!!

-Jess

it's been raining outside.

This rainy weather has had me cooped up in the house and all I have been doing is cleaning and listening to music. I made a playlist of the songs I like to blast when the weather is gloomy. Throw on your PJ's, sip on some tea, & dance along to these really nice tunes :)



let's talk: relationships

I always find it difficult to talk about romantic relationships with people because of the fact that I have never been in one, & being 19 & sayin' it sucks. I've been stepped all over in the past by guys I thought genuinely liked me, but hey we all live and learn, right? Now I didn't want to write this because i'm a bitter bitch, I just wanted to talk.
I have gone from absolutely despising the idea of being in love, to wanting to be in love. I get it, i'm a teen who doesn't know what the fuck she wants, but still love is SO DAMN CONFUSING. I feel like a huge problem for me was the idea of divorce. Of my grandma's 5 children, 3 have gone through divorce/separation and let me tell you, it SUCKS. But I guess it must suck more being in a relationship with someone you genuinely don't love anymore.
That being said, I felt like that set the foundation for me: love is complicated & marriage is simply a piece of paper. So for the longest time, I just went around being a hater, I guess, & giving people shit for claiming to be in love at such a young age. Really though, how many high school relationships actually last? Any who, high school sucked being around people (especially friends) in relationships & putting up the front of hating 'em when the whole time I was just being envious of 'em.
Now that I am in college, I guess I have come to terms that sometimes I do feel lonely and all I ever was in high school was jealous of those who got to experience that "young love". Maybe eventually I will be "in love", just have to give it some time and put myself out there? To be saying that is hard because i'm really fucking shy so it's tough to talk to whoever and be upfront. Really though I know I shouldn't freak out about it too much because i'm so young & putting my focus on school & having fun with my friends is great!! Don't dwell on it too much or else you'll become bitter like I did at one point. Have fun, get educated, party, life's too short to care about whether you have a lover or not. It can get to the point where the only important thing is the title and not the actual actions of your partner, I think. Love yourself cause you're cute as hell!!!! Hope I didn't sound so confusing.
See ya in the next one
-Jess :)
P.S. I included a throwback picture of me at the end of junior year, my hair used to be so dark & I used to try really hard to be cool hahaha.