I always find it difficult to talk about romantic relationships with people because of the fact that I have never been in one, & being 19 & sayin' it sucks. I've been stepped all over in the past by guys I thought genuinely liked me, but hey we all live and learn, right? Now I didn't want to write this because i'm a bitter bitch, I just wanted to talk.
I have gone from absolutely despising the idea of being in love, to wanting to be in love. I get it, i'm a teen who doesn't know what the fuck she wants, but still love is SO DAMN CONFUSING. I feel like a huge problem for me was the idea of divorce. Of my grandma's 5 children, 3 have gone through divorce/separation and let me tell you, it SUCKS. But I guess it must suck more being in a relationship with someone you genuinely don't love anymore.
That being said, I felt like that set the foundation for me: love is complicated & marriage is simply a piece of paper. So for the longest time, I just went around being a hater, I guess, & giving people shit for claiming to be in love at such a young age. Really though, how many high school relationships actually last? Any who, high school sucked being around people (especially friends) in relationships & putting up the front of hating 'em when the whole time I was just being envious of 'em.
Now that I am in college, I guess I have come to terms that sometimes I do feel lonely and all I ever was in high school was jealous of those who got to experience that "young love". Maybe eventually I will be "in love", just have to give it some time and put myself out there? To be saying that is hard because i'm really fucking shy so it's tough to talk to whoever and be upfront. Really though I know I shouldn't freak out about it too much because i'm so young & putting my focus on school & having fun with my friends is great!! Don't dwell on it too much or else you'll become bitter like I did at one point. Have fun, get educated, party, life's too short to care about whether you have a lover or not. It can get to the point where the only important thing is the title and not the actual actions of your partner, I think. Love yourself cause you're cute as hell!!!! Hope I didn't sound so confusing.
See ya in the next one
-Jess :)
P.S. I included a throwback picture of me at the end of junior year, my hair used to be so dark & I used to try really hard to be cool hahaha.
I have gone from absolutely despising the idea of being in love, to wanting to be in love. I get it, i'm a teen who doesn't know what the fuck she wants, but still love is SO DAMN CONFUSING. I feel like a huge problem for me was the idea of divorce. Of my grandma's 5 children, 3 have gone through divorce/separation and let me tell you, it SUCKS. But I guess it must suck more being in a relationship with someone you genuinely don't love anymore.
That being said, I felt like that set the foundation for me: love is complicated & marriage is simply a piece of paper. So for the longest time, I just went around being a hater, I guess, & giving people shit for claiming to be in love at such a young age. Really though, how many high school relationships actually last? Any who, high school sucked being around people (especially friends) in relationships & putting up the front of hating 'em when the whole time I was just being envious of 'em.
Now that I am in college, I guess I have come to terms that sometimes I do feel lonely and all I ever was in high school was jealous of those who got to experience that "young love". Maybe eventually I will be "in love", just have to give it some time and put myself out there? To be saying that is hard because i'm really fucking shy so it's tough to talk to whoever and be upfront. Really though I know I shouldn't freak out about it too much because i'm so young & putting my focus on school & having fun with my friends is great!! Don't dwell on it too much or else you'll become bitter like I did at one point. Have fun, get educated, party, life's too short to care about whether you have a lover or not. It can get to the point where the only important thing is the title and not the actual actions of your partner, I think. Love yourself cause you're cute as hell!!!! Hope I didn't sound so confusing.
See ya in the next one-Jess :)
P.S. I included a throwback picture of me at the end of junior year, my hair used to be so dark & I used to try really hard to be cool hahaha.
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