SO! MANY! THOUGHTS! HOLY! SHIT!

I don't really know how to start this blog post because it's honestly just going to be ranting and complaining about everything that has been bothering me while hopefully making myself feel better by getting it off of my chest and out of the back of my mind.

School: Okay well it's finals week soooooo basically i'm crying every night about how my grades suck and the fact that I have so much shit to do. Honestly, my grades don't suck and I'm making this situation worse by telling myself that I have so much to do because I have sooooo much time to get everything done. I know that I have the capability to pass all my classes, so why do I sike myself out of everything? I'm literally causing myself nothing but more stress by saying that I can't do this. I CAN DO THIS FUCK FINALS FUCK THE SYSTEM. YOU CAN DO THIS TOO I BELIEVE IN YOU LET'S GET THESE FINALS OVER WITH!

Living Situation: So, now that this school year is going to be done with, i'm going to have to leave my dorm and either stay on campus next semester or attempt to get an apartment. I applied for housing buttttttt it's a lottery system and apparently not everyone who applied is going to have housing so that could be me. However, living on campus is easier & such but it's also pretty expensive. An apartment would be cheaper (in the long run) & i'd get to pick my best buds as my roommates?! How perfect would that be?! Even though it sounds so great, it's also super expensive due to that fact that right now I have nothing, no furniture or mattress or anything. That & we need to pay deposit & rent like what the fuck!!!!!!! Housing in SF in general is so expensive & in the words of my dad "A donde te fuiste a meter" or "where did I throw myself into"? I'm just overwhelmed by the numbers that need to be in my bank account that I don't have & it's freaking me out. Also, i'm going to be unemployed as soon as school is over so that doesn't help *eyes start twitching*.

Personal: I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that I need to grow up. Yeah, all of this is a valid reason for me to be frustrated, but this is only the beginning. I have 3-4 more years of dealing with all of these problems! The other day, I realized that my dad is turning 47 years old in August. I flipped out. How is it that my dad is almost 50 fucking years old. That is not okay. That means that I am nearing 20 years old & I AM NOT READY FOR ALL OF THIS. When did I get into this position???? I'm not living in the moment I'm freaking out about the future too much?!?!? 

The school year is ending and it's all starting to feel like it's piling up on me.

Current Mood: asdfghjkl fuckkkkkking shit